Pregnant? Why not!
I am writing with utter resentment on the journey that we have had so far... Me and wifey got married on October 2010... The blissful marriage granted upon us by The Almighty is the best gift He could ever bestow upon me, so much so that I regret for not getting married earlier on...
As for challenges in life, we had a fair share of disappointments especially in our pursuit of having a child, I am sharing this today as we have both became an advocate for couples who aspire to be parents but are being told by God above, "you have to wait"... Yes it is painful, the disappointments and wiping it off to stand courageous for your partner and comforting her, when in solitude, you feel the misery itself...
It does not help when we attend family functions and every single soul on earth would be questioning my wife on why is she not pregnant yet? So much so, that she began thinking of functions as an excruciating affair of answering while smiling and yet, feeling the pain deep down in your heart...
Allah answered our prayers and we are so thankful that we didn't have to wait long, today she is 7 months and coming due in September 2012. We kept silent all along and only shared the news with the closest family and friends as we were told of the 'pantang larangs', we adhered but the post today is a result of the experiences we had on couple of scenarios, this is to educate the unaware souls out there that might not be aware of how insensitive (in my own terms, brainless) they are!
We did not need to actually spend so much to see a doctor who would tell us that everything is fine because the real experts on reproductive and childbirth knowledge are actually amongst us in our daily interactions! They seem to know things that the doctor obviously did not study in his course of becoming a renowned specialist.
Men would not understand because they are not confronted by the same issues that are in the circle of the ladies. Questions upon questions, fear upon fear are instilled on our spouses with regards to their pregnancy that it just makes them worried on a daily basis. "Did the baby kick yet?", "What is the position of the baby?", "Placenta is low or high?", "What's the weight of the baby?" and many more that just makes a mother wonder if she is having a natural process of pregnancy, questions that are insignificant at that particular stage of pregnancy and not to be thought of until the time comes!
Then you have the commentators of pregnancy that are preoccupied in making comments that does more harm than good! There is a certain reason for the saying, "if you can't say something good, it is best to say nothing at all" and my take is that comments that are hurtful are just a reflection of a low self-esteemed person that needs to have the feel-good factor by giving out insensitive comments!
"You know, my friends aunty's nephew's sister had a miscarriage cos she was driving, you drive to work so be careful", "monitor the baby kick cos one of my friend realized the baby died in the womb a day ago", the comments above in relation to questions above are simply ways of making a living hell out of the pregnant mum and again, are insignificant in that state of pregnancy, my wife still goes to work, climbing nearly 60 steps of stairs and Allah has been protecting her in her journey.
The ultimate one has to be the reason that resulted in the birth of this post! A dumb blonde held her stomach during a wedding function yesterday evening asking her if she was pregnant and when my wife answered yes, this insensitive leech that feeds on the scum in the sewage drain had the cheek to say it to her face, "so fat!!!"... My wife of course did not snoop to her level but can't help feeling the misery of that comment being thrown to her face. That blonde creature must have, no, IS a person with such a low self-esteem and probably lacks the basic social skills to be roaming the surface of earth.
At the end of it, there are also people who we are thankful for in our life, folks like Shieza, Hira, Lisha, Iman, Latif and Captain Rafik especially, the groom's (Shane's) mum who treated my wife like a princess and ensured that she was in the most comfortable environment as I was busy hosting the wedding function, we do not need thousand friends who are more harmful existence in our life, but this handful of souls are blessing from Allah and shall be treasured by us for the rest of our lives...
As for challenges in life, we had a fair share of disappointments especially in our pursuit of having a child, I am sharing this today as we have both became an advocate for couples who aspire to be parents but are being told by God above, "you have to wait"... Yes it is painful, the disappointments and wiping it off to stand courageous for your partner and comforting her, when in solitude, you feel the misery itself...
It does not help when we attend family functions and every single soul on earth would be questioning my wife on why is she not pregnant yet? So much so, that she began thinking of functions as an excruciating affair of answering while smiling and yet, feeling the pain deep down in your heart...
Allah answered our prayers and we are so thankful that we didn't have to wait long, today she is 7 months and coming due in September 2012. We kept silent all along and only shared the news with the closest family and friends as we were told of the 'pantang larangs', we adhered but the post today is a result of the experiences we had on couple of scenarios, this is to educate the unaware souls out there that might not be aware of how insensitive (in my own terms, brainless) they are!
Men would not understand because they are not confronted by the same issues that are in the circle of the ladies. Questions upon questions, fear upon fear are instilled on our spouses with regards to their pregnancy that it just makes them worried on a daily basis. "Did the baby kick yet?", "What is the position of the baby?", "Placenta is low or high?", "What's the weight of the baby?" and many more that just makes a mother wonder if she is having a natural process of pregnancy, questions that are insignificant at that particular stage of pregnancy and not to be thought of until the time comes!
Then you have the commentators of pregnancy that are preoccupied in making comments that does more harm than good! There is a certain reason for the saying, "if you can't say something good, it is best to say nothing at all" and my take is that comments that are hurtful are just a reflection of a low self-esteemed person that needs to have the feel-good factor by giving out insensitive comments!
"You know, my friends aunty's nephew's sister had a miscarriage cos she was driving, you drive to work so be careful", "monitor the baby kick cos one of my friend realized the baby died in the womb a day ago", the comments above in relation to questions above are simply ways of making a living hell out of the pregnant mum and again, are insignificant in that state of pregnancy, my wife still goes to work, climbing nearly 60 steps of stairs and Allah has been protecting her in her journey.
The ultimate one has to be the reason that resulted in the birth of this post! A dumb blonde held her stomach during a wedding function yesterday evening asking her if she was pregnant and when my wife answered yes, this insensitive leech that feeds on the scum in the sewage drain had the cheek to say it to her face, "so fat!!!"... My wife of course did not snoop to her level but can't help feeling the misery of that comment being thrown to her face. That blonde creature must have, no, IS a person with such a low self-esteem and probably lacks the basic social skills to be roaming the surface of earth.
At the end of it, there are also people who we are thankful for in our life, folks like Shieza, Hira, Lisha, Iman, Latif and Captain Rafik especially, the groom's (Shane's) mum who treated my wife like a princess and ensured that she was in the most comfortable environment as I was busy hosting the wedding function, we do not need thousand friends who are more harmful existence in our life, but this handful of souls are blessing from Allah and shall be treasured by us for the rest of our lives...
Khan Saab,being married just abt the same time as you has put Mr Mehta and me in the same position, day in day out we are questioned on when we are having kids to the point some have even said that perhaps either one of us has a problem... so i completely understand what Begum and you went thru ...having said that I am so so so happy for the both of you ... may you both be blessed with a healthy child and i can hardly wait for the day when you put it up on FB that you're a bapu! The both of you are very fortunate to have found each other because you both truly compliment one another... our best wishes and prayers are always with the both of you ....
ReplyDeleteHi Nexus,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to have stumbled upon yr post. Hubby and I are on the journey of TTC and it's been a really painful journey so far.
I can relate to your experience with insensitive ppl and ppl who think they know everything. And I couldn't agree more when you say and I quote "we do not need thousand friends who are more harmful existence in our life, but this handful of souls are blessing from Allah and shall be treasured by us for the rest of our lives... "
God bless you both and the little miracle of yours.